There I was putting my son Caden into his tub and scrubbing him with tons of soap, thinking to my self how did I allow this to happen? I never thought in a million years this would happen.
So going back a little bit, if you read my moms post today on her blog then you know that we went to the mall today. It was a mandatory must that I got Wreck this Journal today. I have wanted one for about a week now. So my mom and I decided to go to Barnes and Noble. Caden’s first mall trip. Before we left the house I had taken a picture of him in his car seat and he didn’t look to happy.
Cover of Wreck This Journal. This is what I so badly wanted!
I’m thinking that we were going to the mall just to do a quick run to the book store. Boy was I wrong. Continue reading →
Ever since my son was born I have had this strong craving for cookies. I have had them pretty much everyday since. When I don’t have them I dream about them. My mouth starts to water when I think about them and I go crazy for them. It gets so bad that I have to comment on my mothers own blog just to tell her I want some cookies.
Now, when I want cookies and I delegate the task to someone to get them for me they better be the right ones. You better not even think about bringing me some oreos or some off brand, chewy, soft not original type shitty cookies. They better be Lauren’s number one choice in cookies the one and only Chip Ahoy original because if they are not best believe I will send your ass back to the store so fast to get me some or all hell would break loose.
For this reason that I am so picky about my cookies I only trust one person and one person only to get my cookies and that would be my mother. I trust that se knows what kind of cookies I want without even having to say it. I can just tell her cookies and se comes back home with my favorites. Way to go mom! My boyfriend and my brother on the other hand I wouldn’t even waste my time asking because either they will forget or get me the wrong kind, although my boyfriend is getting better with this.
Just a little cookie rant for the day. By the way as I write this I am eating my chip Ahoy original cookies that I bought today! YUMMY!!!
“But when it comes down to it I will put your ass on blast when you disrespect or hurt me or my family.
I have watched my mom love you and give you everything your heart desired and this is how you treat her?
You have always been the one to talk about family. My mom was part of that family and what you have done to her no one on this earth deserves.”
That is how this post would have gone if I had continued writing it the other day after seeing that comment on my mom’s blog. I would have put all his shit on blast for everyone to see. But lucky him I let my mom write to see where this was going and I see that she is hurting.
There have been times when he has said some nasty things and my kind, respectful self just sat here like a bomb ticking waiting for that moment to explode. I finally did one day I told him and his wife (the cow as I call her to make my mom laugh) off. It was so bad that his wife said I was lucky that she didn’t file a police report saying I harrassed her (which I certainly did not, although I really wanted to I knew she would pull something like that so I held my tongue). She ended up blocking me off her facebook and on her phone. But what she doesn’t realize is that although I am sweet and kind I do have a whole other side that hardly any one has seen. My mother hasn’t even seen me in full force until this year I think. I can be a straight up bitch and make your life a living hell if I really wanted to. I am really good at that.
If only I was were they lived.
Anyways, I am tired of seeing my mother hurting and I tell him that every time I have to tell him off but I now realize that he isn’t here anymore. His body is but his soul isn’t.
I don’t know what to really say anymore. I have so much anger toward this man that I don’t even know what to say.
My official due date was a big guessing game at first. The first time I was told my due date was the 12th os January. The second time was the 8th I believe and the final one was January 10th 2012.
So there I was 39 weeks pregnant and about 3 days until due date and I felt NOTHING! Something in the back of my brain kept telling me weeks before that Caden was not going to be born on the 10th and I felt pretty sad about. I was so done being pregnant. I was ready to have my body back. No more back pain. No more stomach aches and waddling like a penguin every time I walked and no more pressure. I had almost forgot what it felt like not being pregnant.
April 2011. The month and year I will never forget. My boyfriend and I had some rough times that month. We were an on again off again couple. My parents, of course, saw this as unhealthy for my growth and my future and advised me to just let go. How could I let go of someone who was the first person I ever brought home to meet my parents? The one I have been with for a year and 2 months (at the time)? The one I loved? I couldn’t. So I stayed.
First week of May I started to feel bloated and sick all the time and the smell of food disgusted me. Chris told me I looked like I was gaining baby weight. I blew that comment off cause I knew I couldn’t be. Continue reading →
When my parents first met Chris (my boyfriends name :)) they loved him. They said he was well-mannered and quiet and although he went into his past (a little too much) they absolutely adored him.
The first few months of us dating were the greatest. Chris would come to my house and help my dad with house work (the kind that males do lol :)), although he didn’t want to, just so that he could come see me and spend a little bit if time with me because I wasn’t allowed to just go out and see him alone yet. For him that was different. He never did that for a girl. If he couldn’t see a girl out side of school or without her parents he wouldn’t even bother. Yet for me he did all that.
He came over for dinner a lot and even for our dinner parties and bbqs. It was like my parents were obsessed with him. Always asking how he was, and when he was coming over, and asked me to have him over almost every weekend. It felt as if I wasn’t in Continue reading →
I knew my boyfriend when I was a sophomore and he was a junior but we weren’t really friends we just had some of the same friends and we definitely did not look at each other the way we do now.
We didn’t really take an interest into each other until January of my junior year and his senior year. He started saying hey to me in the hall way every time he walked past me and at first I didn’t know if he was talking to me so I just smiled but then I realized he was talking to me and I couldn’t understand why someone who never talked me all of a sudden starts saying hi to me every single day.
From the time I was a wee little girl I was always on my best behavior (amazing right). I never got into the kitchen cabinets (hell with me I don’t even think my parents needed to use kitchen cabinet locks). I never got into mommy’s makeup without asking. I always let my mom know if my little brother was into something he shouldn’t be in (like under the kitchen sink where the cleaning supplies were). I also always said please and thank you with a big smile on my face.
I was just the most perfect little angel don’t you think?
As I got older and started going to school I admit I did have a few slip ups in kindergarden with skipping school (yea I know right in KINDERGARDEN) and fibbing (what child didn’t). But really when it came to school I always did what I was told. I made good grades and I was very respectful. At home I cleaned my room when I was told or cleaned my mess in the living room even though I was in the middle of watching a movie.
Basically everyone in my family has done one thing or another for our country. My grandparents were navy and so was my aunt, and my mom and dad were army.
At a young age (I think when I was about 4 years old and my first brother was 2) my parents spilt up and got divorced. From there my mom remarried to man whom she later on divorced for very good reasons and my father also remarried to a woman who had the same classes as him in school and was also in the army.
Of course when two people who have kids decide to divorce they have to figure out an arrangement for child custody. Especially since one parent continued living in Germany on orders (my dad) and the other parent moved back to the states (my mom, she got out of the army after a few years). So of course, as many parents who are divorced cannot do is agree on a plan. So they went to court and my father got custody of my brother and I.
So with that said, I was four years old and lived in Germany with my father, brother and step mom and since my father was in the army (and to this day still is) that meant that for the rest of my childhood life I would never be able to settle in one place very long.